Fear and Anger

In my 46 years of direct patient care, there is no question that these 2 emotions are often major blocks to improvement of physical issues, especially those of a chronic nature.  In most people, fear is the result of feeling like things are out of one’s control, but understanding the true nature of this insecurity, is actually what leads to overcoming its effects.  When you snap your fingers, at that very instant, consider what absolute control you have of anything.  Remember that things like looking both ways before crossing the street, or putting on a seatbelt, are actually exercising free will, and are not control in the sense we are discussing.  We often carry the burden of attempting to control outcomes that we just have no control over.  This heavy burden can be discarded by understanding what a great thing it is to realize that we have no ultimate control of anything in our lives.  Realizing this can allow one to ride the wave of life, and allow it to gently push us along to whatever outcome occurs.  Several excellent books have been written about this important phenomenon: unrealistic expectations of truly having any control of anything.  These include: “The Book: On the Taboo of Knowing Exactly Who You Are” by Allan Watts, Ph.D., and another of his books (if you find The Book interesting), “The Wisdom of Insecurity” and “Be Here Now” by Ram Dass to mention just a few.

A metaphor: pretend you are driving a bus as a representation of your life.  In the case of many people with chronic health issues, they tend to drive looking through the rearview mirror, and as result keep running into the same things, time and again.  There is a tendency to misinterpret these results as being doomed by poor luck, or to be a victim of circumstances beyond one’s control, when actually this is attitudinal in nature.  By looking out at what is directly in front of the bus of life, one can avoid running into the same potholes time and again.  Another metaphor: pretend you are driving the bus of life, but your anticipatory anxiety is so great that your gaze is miles down the road.  If you are not paying attention to what’s in front of you, not  being in the moment, and gently riding the wave of life, you risk missing everyday miracles that your bus passes by each day.  These metaphors represent how many people live their lives, not knowing that they have an opportunity to dramatically change things by taking a different course in life, by staying in the moment.

In terms of staying in the moment, The Buddha, said something that is very interesting, EMBRACE SUFFERING.  Many have misinterpreted this as a masochistic concept uttered by an uninformed man.  Actually, this was an incredibly prescient statement from a wise man.  In life, we will experience both joy and suffering, and if we are to truly stay in the moment, riding the wave of life, then we must embrace whatever life offers us.  If we are experiencing suffering, it is still necessary to embrace the suffering, if we are to be in the moment.  When we experience joy, it is necessary, and generally a lot easier, to embrace joy. 

 In the Torah, part of the Old Testament, God says to the Israelites (to paraphrase), blessings or curses, your choice will determine your destiny.  How profound!  One of the best ways that Dr. Kavieff has found for patients to improve from chronic problems is to make a list of one’s blessings, after truly deep introspection, and to make a comprehensive list that is read out loud, at least once daily.  Curses often dovetail with anger, which is the next topic of discussion.

Dr. Kavieff has noticed that many people who have chronic problems harbor a lot of anger, or resentment, that often reflect a feeling that something, or somebody, has done something wrong to them.  This can often be the result of harsh words or actions that the other entity has actually done to a person, but generally the only way to not carry around the terribly heavy burden of anger, is to be able to honestly forgive the other person for their transgression, even if they were in the wrong.  If you fail to forgive, the burden will follow you throughout life, often adding to one’s stress and impairing one’ ability to truly heal.  In the Jewish Holiday, Yom Kippur, it’s an essential part for each individual to confess his sins or transgressions to God and others, and to ask for forgiveness.  The other critical part of Yom Kippur is to forgive others for their transgressions against you.  So FORGIVENESS is a powerful tool for healing!